Unison Parenting Blog: Are You Spoiling Your Child?

Does it feel like saying "no" to your child leads to a tantrum? And not just at home, but in public?

This is one of the seven signs of a spoiled child, according to a recent HuffPost article. From a Unison Parenting perspective, it's a sign of permissive parenting, one of four parenting styles and one of the least desirable.

Permissive parents show love but do not consistently enforce boundaries with their child. A better approach is to balance love and limits as exhibited in the ideal Loving and Firm parenting style.

Here are seven signs that you may be parenting your child too permissively.

1. When you tell them “no,” they throw a tantrum until they get their way. A toddler or preschooler may occasionally throw a tantrum as they learn to communicate. But as the child gets older, tantrums should not continue.

2. They’re never satisfied with what they have. They lack appreciation and look for the next thing they can possess.

3. They think the world revolves around them. The child expects special favors, exceptions to rules, and that others should be inconvenienced to serve them.

4. They demand things ASAP. And parents may find it easier to give in than to say no.

5. They’re sore losers. Such as: blaming others for poor performance; yelling when others aren't doing things their way; refusing to recognize the success of others.

6. They don’t give up until they get what they want. This is the child that plays "Divide and Conquer" with parents to negotiate their way to "yes."

7. They refuse to complete even simple tasks until you beg or bribe them. This child may demand payment or ask "what's in it for me?"

   
   

Let me be clear: this is a parenting issue. The permissive parent emphasizes love, which is great, but misunderstands that saying "no" is good for the child. A permissive parent says, "OK, you can stay up late this time. I know how much you like this show." A loving and firm parent says, "Hey, I wish I could let you stay up later, but we agreed on this time."

In my book, "Unison Parenting," I give much more detail on the family policy that enables a parent to make that last statement.