Unison Parenting Blog: Helping Your Child Through Fear of School Shootings

A grandmother was telling me how her grandchildren started sharing what they were scared of. Everyone was surprised when her fourteen-year-old granddaughter revealed how terrified she was of being killed by a school shooter.

The granddaughter said her dreams were often filled with scenes of school shootings. During the school day, she refuses to use the restroom at school, because it was a place where she would be trapped without escape if a shooter appeared.

This girl sends off all signs of being normal and well-adjusted, yet she lives in dread because of school shootings.

In this blog, I will address fear of school shootings, and next week, I'll share how to address general fears with children.

First, tailor your response to the age. Small children need simple, brief information about basic safety procedures like locking doors. Middle grades may have questions or even unrealistic fantasies about what might happen; ground them in reality and refer to school safety procedures. Upper grades may want to go beyond safety procedures to sharing their opinions of violence in schools and in society. Guide them to how they can contribute to a safe environment by following procedures and how they can volunteer to address root causes of violence.

You can start the school safety conversation with your child, but listen to them and don't dismiss their concerns. Do steer them away from graphic images or accounts, which aren't helpful. Above all, model a calm approach yourself. Feel free to share your own concerns, but give off a hopeful, confident vibe as much as you can.

Despite all the school shootings, the strong likelihood is your child will never be directly affected. Still, review preparations to give your child more control over the situation, real or feared.

In more extreme cases like that of the fourteen-year-old granddaughter, I would recommend counseling to sort out her fear. Debilitating fear isn't good, and this would be a single case for how she can address other fears she may face in the future.

In true Unison Parenting fashion, make sure parenting partners are on the same page with this approach.