Unison Parenting Blog: What to Do with the Cookie

This is a summer re-run from 2024.

A question to an advice columnist triggered me. The advice seeker wanted to know what to do in a restaurant if a child is screaming or acting up at a nearby table. Among other ideas, the columnist suggested sending a cookie to the child.

That made me wonder how the scenario would really play out. I have some ideas for the parents of that cookie-receiving child. I will divide them into two posts, over this week and next week. Today, I will talk about how parents make decisions in unusual situations in front of the children.

In such situations, how can they remain in unison?

Let's divide into high and low consequence situations. To understand the complexity of high consequence situations, I recommend acquiring a copy of "Unison Parenting," which spends an entire chapter on the technique of Reactive Parenting. The restaurant cookie situation is low consequence by comparison.

Let’s only discuss generic process for low consequence decisions now.

Assuming multiple parenting partners are present, quick communication is key. Thinking out loud is not a bad idea. Try not to make it a big issue between parents, as the decision is low consequence. In many cases, the decision does not have to be quick. Remember a "no" is more easily turned into a "yes" than vice-versa. Get through it, then review the experience in private. Undo any harm or the decision itself if necessary and still possible.

If only one parent is present for low consequence situations, make the decision, then share the situation and decision as soon as possible to other parenting partners. Evaluate together what the best response should have been and have some forgiveness when the parent-on-the-spot made the wrong decision. Remember, it's low consequence. Annoying, perhaps, but not the end of the world.

I'll get back around to that dangling, delicious cookie next week.