Unison Parenting Blog: A House Divided

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Matthew 12:25 Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.”

Does the following scenario describe your household or another family you know? A fellow author shared this:

My husband and I disagreed on raising our children. I would say no, and he would say yes. Our daughter quickly learned that if she wanted something, Dad was her person. I was the one raising her, and Dad wasn't around often. When she didn't follow the rules, I gave her consequences for her actions. My daughter was wise. She would go to Dad, and he would take away the consequences. I became a puppet in her game. It made me weary and frustrated.

The daughter isn’t the problem, but the parents who aren’t operating in unison.

In this family, parenting disagreement eventually led to divorce. A recent study estimated 20% of divorces are caused by parenting disputes. But divorce doesn’t automatically resolve such issues. It only weakens the parents’ dialogue and their resolve to fix the differences.

Parenting in unison involves three major steps:

1. Pledging to parent in unison.

2. Establishing a system of unison parenting.

3. Holding each other accountable to the system and agreeing to corrections.

The first step can be accomplished when all parenting partners understand the ramifications of disagreement. Studies show couples struggling to parent in unison during a child’s early years can cause the child to have poor social adaptation, less success in school, and increased anxiety and behavior issues.

In the second step, parents create core principles by which the family will operate, resulting in rules with consequences and rewards. Parents agree on a style of parenting which leads to best results.

The third step is hard but necessary. Behind closed doors, partners point out and rectify non-compliances in parenting policy. The focus is on improvement and consistency. This step requires maturity, humility, and good communication.

A household divided against itself literally cannot stand. Protect your family by parenting in harmony.