Unison Parenting Blog: Letting Your Kids Fail

When I served as baseball coach for each of my three children's teams, I focused on teaching life lessons as much as I focused on coaching baseball.

One of the biggest lessons involved failure. I told my players that baseball is a game of failure. The best players in the Hall of Fame only get three hits every ten times they bat. That means they fail most of the time. But I told them baseball is also a game of opportunity. You always get another turn at bat, whether it's the same game, next game, or next season. The ball will be hit to you again. You'll throw another pitch. There's always another chance.

Then I told them life is the same way. You will certainly fail at times. But you'll always have another opportunity to get it right.

One player was scared of the baseball hitting him. For two seasons, he struck out practically every time because he would wildly swing while ducking out of the batter's box. Through patience, practice, and encouragement, he eventually was able to hit the ball and become an average hitter. I credit his dad, who supported his son and helped him discard his fear and improve.

Teaching your kids about failure and letting them fail is so important. Failure is shown to make people resilient. Resilience is one of the most essential qualities we can instill in our children.

While constant failure is discouraging, some failure is necessary to inoculate your child, in a manner of speaking. I've witnessed kids that didn't know failure until they became adults, and it was hard on them; their parents had sheltered from failure. These new adults were thrown off when confronted with real world turbulence.

When I graduated from college, I asked my uncle for career advice. He suggested, "Go anywhere you can succeed - or fail." In applying that advice throughout my life, I've encountered plenty of turbulence but further developed the strength of resilience.

Let your kids fail. Don't orchestrate success for them. If you're looking for an opportunity to teach them about resiliency, baseball is a good option. But steer them toward any endeavor that allows them to succeed - or fail.

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