Unison Parenting Blog: Re-introduce Yourself to Your Child

Readers and reviewers tell me one of their favorite pieces of advice in my book, Unison Parenting, is to re-introduce yourself to your child every six months.

I developed this idea even before I became a parent. I learned it as I worked with church youth over a 30-year period.

Noticing how children change, especially in the accelerated middle school and high school years, I realized how much we as parents can miss if we're not alert. I thought back to my own high school days; I felt like I was a different person as a freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior.

Children change rapidly, and we adults might get stuck with an outdated mindset about them. For example, an aunt or uncle who hasn't seen the child in two years is always shocked at how different they are. But these changes are happening right under a parent's nose, and sometimes we miss them.

This is why I advocate for re-introducing yourself to your child every six months. This means, get to know them all over again. Have conversations; find out what they think or feel about this or that. Ask them how they think they've changed (though I'll tell you, they may not notice the differences themselves). Watch how they react differently to their surroundings, to media, to other people. Basically, become a student of your child.

It's vital for parenting partners to have the same vision of where the child is today. One parent may be updated, while the other is out of touch. Share information. Discuss how the child is changing and what is specifically different. Prepare re-introduction strategies and activities. Above all, communicate what you're seeing to each other as unison parents.

Children are always changing on their development journeys. It's up to parents to adapt to the new child in their house.