Unison Parenting Blog: What If My Kid is Bullied?

In my prior post on bullies, I mentioned my own sixth grade experience of being bullied. So, I feel a lot of sympathy for bullied children. I'm going to whisk through a framework for parents of bullied children, then develop a few points further in future blogs.

Here is a four-part strategy if your kid is bullied:

1. Detection and Support

2. Strategies

3. Escalation

4. Find Friends

In part 1, build open lines of communication in advance so your child knows they can bring their problems to you. Listen to them; affirm their value and worth. Find ways to problem solve alongside them, helping them learn to solve problems eventually on their own. If bullying happens, you'll already have the model in place to find out and act.

Part 2 are strategies for your child in the face of bullying. They generally divide into deflection and turning the tables. Deflection means walking away, ignoring bullies, acting bored by them, and using humor (not self-deprecating) to get positive reactions from them and bystanders. Turning the tables means putting the light back on them with questions like "Does that actually feel good to you?" and "WHY are you picking on me?" (emphasis on why turns attention back).

Using your part 1 alliance, role play with your child. Also, realize these techniques can work for cyberbullying too.

Part 3, escalation, is where your child learns it's normal to escalate if they can't solve the problem themselves. It's very important that your child doesn't feel alone and can count on you and others. You can help by reporting the problem to school authorities and other adults in authority.

Part 4, finding friends, is a phenomenon I saw a lot in youth ministry. Look for friends elsewhere. Young people can find friends outside of school and have a different persona than at school, such as on sports teams. Church is an excellent place. I saw instances of church kids attending the same school realizing a fellow churchgoer was bullied or lonely or struggling at school, and those kids made sure to reach out during the day to help their friend.

This four-part overview gives you a head start on helping your bullied child.