Unison Parenting Blog: The Importance of a Father's Single Question

When I was raising my kids, I read (and applied) a study showing the number one predictor of academic performance was whether a father asked at dinner about a child’s day at school.

Let’s unpack the assumptions in that statement.

First, it assumes the family eats dinner together. Families are typically on the run after school lets out. A parent’s job may get in the way of sitting down together for the evening meal, or kids’ extracurricular activities may interfere with dinner. While difficult to schedule, communal dinners should be prioritized as much as possible. Try to make sure no one eats alone; bring community to every evening meal if you can.

Second, the statement indicates there is dinner conversation. Our rule was that if the entire family was present, then the focus was on family communication, with no electronics allowed. If only a couple of family members ate together, they could decide how much they would use electronics, but conversation was still encouraged.

Third, it assumes a father is present and taking interest. Given the realities of divorce, single parenthood, and other family combinations, the daily presence of a father at the table is not guaranteed; in such cases, the role of the father needs to be fulfilled in inventive ways.

The father figure needs to take active interest in each child. The child doesn’t report upward to the father; the father reaches out to the child.

Fourth, the statement indicates the active interest includes academic performance. Certainly, we should ask about friends, social interactions, extracurriculars, and the day in general. But the academic component is always included in the question.

From the answers, parents can get an idea of the evening’s homework assignments, what tests are coming up, how the child gets along with teachers, and what academic stress the child may be feeling.

A father’s caring, daily interest is important to not only the child’s academic performance but to their self-esteem.